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In recent years, psychologists have increasingly focussed their attention on finding out what makes us truly happy. The research has found one fundamental concept to be true – that our happiness is a state of mind that comes from within, and is not necessarily dependent on what is going on in our lives. In other words, we can choose to be happy, regardless of our external circumstances.

At first glance, this may seem overly simplistic and somewhat delusional. How can you be happy if you have been unemployed for 6 months? How can you be happy if you haven’t met that special someone yet?

How can you be happy if you are overweight? The truth is, you can be happy whatever your life situation is, and in his book “Stop Thinking, Start Living”, psychologist Richard Carlson gives numerous examples of people who have found happiness, even though on the surface their life situation may appear to be unbearable. I’m sure you know people who appear to be happy most of the time, even though their life seems to be a mess, and equally you will know people who are generally sad, but whose life looks great to the outsider!

If you put conditions on your happiness, you will never be happy, because there will always be something else that you want. “I’ll be happy once I buy my own house”, “I’ll be happy once I get that promotion”, “I’ll be happy when I meet someone special”. Set goals, work hard, and achieve success, but don’t make your happiness conditional on anything.

I’m not saying that when bad things happen, such as a relationship break-up, losing your job, or a loved one dying, that you shouldn’t feel sad - in fact it would be concerning if you didn’t.

What I am saying is that you don’t have to live in hopelessness and despair just because of your circumstances. You can choose to succumb to your negative thinking, and so get caught up in an endless loop of trying to analyse your situation and “think” your way out of it, or you can choose to habitually dismiss your pessimistic thoughts, opening the way for you to enjoy the present moment, and therefore, your life.

This doesn’t mean ignoring your problems, or living in denial – your problems are still there, but when you are able to rid your mind of unhealthy thoughts, your sense of calm and happiness will take over, and you will be able to address your problems in a more constructive, rational manner.

When you understand that your unhappiness comes from your thinking, and not from what happens to you, you begin to realise that the only thing making you unhappy is your thoughts, and when you realise that your thoughts are just thoughts, and are not “real”, then your mind is free to dismiss the negative and destructive ones, and you will be ready to embrace the present moment, and start enjoying your life.

If you live in Auckland, and would like to find out about personal coaching, visit www.eclipselifecoaching.com or call Kris on (09) 629 6080.

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